I had just come from a painful separation with someone I almost had an affair with over a year ago before I got my second job; the one who almost put the happiness back to my lips, and the same person who had dumped me for so many months and had given me another fuckin’ chance I accidentally, stupidly blew away.
I was almost soaked in a basin of monumental pain. I endured all the heavy, negative emotions that were raging all over my senses; in the most subtle manner I could conceal. Luckily, I was strong enough to handle myself well. I didn’t think that it was going to happen. I was unprepared. With the help of some of my good friends and colleagues, I was able to get away from the silly avenue of heartaches. Got busy with my job, and fortunately found the light out of the dark that had ripped my soul into shattered pieces. It was a breath of fresh air to begin with. Every day, I would wake up feeling enormously alright, signaling me that I had finally got over with my heart’s tormentor for the record. That’s one of those most refreshing moments from a pitfall to date that ever happened.
There, you came along. Our eyes locked for the very first time. I got attracted. Never had I thought that those eyes would eventually seize and paint some color of indescribable excitement on my already-numbing heart to feel something that’s so alien to me, again. Again. Many months have passed and a lot of awkward encounters have soon happened. Let us push the fast forward button to the present.
This is all new to me.
After caressing my emotionally wounded self, I told the heavens and promised that I would not fall for someone just yet, and that I shall focus on things that will uplift my being to an all-new level. That is, I learned, not the case. It broke all my plans. You broke all my plans. But I’m not going to blame you.
It never occurred to me that I would once again find myself in a situation where I have to gasp some air whenever you’d arrive in the room. It’s so fascinating. My trembling knees every time that my eyes will spot on you, the irregular pounding of my heart that’s insanely unbearable to take, or simply your captivating aura that can light up the whole town… it always blows me away.. away from reality. Away from the Earth. It’s like you stop the clock and make time freeze. You put my mouth shut every time you’d pass by. It’s very irritating. It’s consuming every fiber of my being. That it’s you who do this to me, cunning stranger. You simply inspire me to do better.
I do not know you then. You, of course, do not (and I think would not care to) know me. We barely know each other, in shorter terms, until your name was submitted to my eager-for-information mind. And you don’t know how much ecstasy it causes my spirit to fly every time I would hear it. Everywhere. Just by reading your name makes me feel so excited because I never paid attention to it before. Many more times and little by little, I get to know you better.. from afar. Yes, I am one of those who adore you in your own little cute ways. Your face, your voice, your ability, your enigmatic but contained smile… all of these characteristics are what stun me in the most terrifying way.
I am now afraid that I might not be able to enjoy this alienating feeling as days go by. Your presence just kicks me off my seat that I tend to forget all the sanity I’m composed of. I’m too coward for the approach. Yes, call it stupidity for the fear of rejection but that is the only way I know I find comfortable to deal with. Who cares? After all, I have made my decision to not pursue this because I know in the end that this is impossibly going to happen. That you’re so much high up in the pedestal that I can’t even reach.
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Hello everyone, I just want to greet you all a Happy New Year! Early yet to say what lies ahead but I’m tagging it the most wonderful year so far to ever happen.
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Since '92 