I have read elsewhere that people who still count the money they just withdrew from the ATM have trust issues.

I am, in fact, guilty of it. Though I know the count is 99.9% accurate (because hey, it’s a machine), there’s a part in me that tells me otherwise. I have this inclination of ensuring that everything is well accounted for. That I’m getting what I rightfully deserve.

However, as fate would have it, it’s so hard to trust people nowadays.

It’s difficult to find that person who is trustworthy enough and whom you can rely on when the darkness and uncertainty both threaten to loom ahead.

When a promise is broken, or if you get fooled or cheated on, it’s kind of hard to emotionally recover from the excruciating pain. (Agree? No? Maybe? Okay.)

So what actually happens when it’s compromised, or yes, broken? What now?

To begin with, your outlook in life, let alone your perspective, drastically changes. You find it hard to differentiate who among the same set of or various faces you meet every day can look you in the eye with so much confidence and honesty and who can’t.

Whoever sensationalized the concept of cheating in almost every freakin’ TV show or movie, I hate you. I hate you for making me aware and change my perspective that nobody is going to treat you the way you honestly treat anybody. I hate you for instilling in my mind the notion that in this modern-day age, it’s acceptable to cheat and it’s okay because that’s how the way things are now. I mean, why?

I get that it’s eye-opening. But at the same time, it plants an even greater amount of fear in the cracks of the heart of those who are already suffering from it. It’s alarming because at this point, everyone’s got no idea which egg they’re actually picking from the tray.

To those who are fearless, congratulations. May the odds be ever in your favor.

On a more personal level, this is the reason why I’m too protective of myself. I am too scared to invest in something that might backfire at me. I am too conscious to trust at my own risk because I already lost the faith. The wall is instinctively high that it will take someone a huuuuuuge amount of effort to destroy it. And if it does break, if I ever do, I know that I am about to lose early on before the game even begins. In other words, you are giving someone the license to break your heart, so to speak. (Who am I kidding anyway.. Who would possibly dare..)

Is it bad, though?

For someone who has dealt with betrayal, whether grave or not, for numerous times, is it too much to keep your heart safe and sound within the confines of the so-called wall you built?

What about those who are also too afraid to brave the bleak waters of uncertainty? Can we not consider that this act of defense mechanism is to just steer clear of the peril that is awaiting in the corner? Cause you know.. We acquired this magical ability to foresee things before it even happens.

The thing is, even if there is insurance, the collateral damage will always be a reminder of all the stupid choices you make all because you lacked rational judgment. That’s the scary part of it. We lose ourselves by becoming fools. The next thing we know, we’re unable to think rationally. Unless someone proves you wrong, you shall continue to not let your guard down.

We can’t blame the indignation of those who are going through it because it’s not an easy matter to deal with. Let’s face it. It never is and never will be.

The only consolation good thing about it is that at the end of the day, we are learning something big from it.

Ugh this is such a difficult matter to discuss.


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