4am

Good morning.

Hi.

How do I start?

So.. Uhm. 

Over a decade ago, life let me experience the most wonderful but agonizingly heartbreaking feeling of all. Masarap sa pakiramdam. Parang ang sarap-sarap harapin ng bukas at mabuhay sa mundo. Lahat ng bagay sa paligid, tumitigil. Paulit-ulit ang malakas na pagtambol sa dibdib na para bang naghuhudyat ng isang magarbong kasiyahan.

Masarap ang magmahal. Oo, masarap sa pakiramdam yung may magtetext sa’yo ng ‘Good morning.’ Kukumustahin ang araw mo at kung anu-ano pang ka-cheesy-han. 

Medyo matagal-tagal na rin, ano? Tingin mo kaya, pwede na ulit? Kaso, I’m losing hope. Almost losing hope. Sa lahat ng taong nagdaan sa buhay ko, ni isa sa kanila, walang nagsukli ng ibinigay ko. Nakakawalang-gana rin. Nakakatamad kumilos. Konti na lang.

But you know what, it’s so funny how I would even pray and ask Him for it. Do I sound desperate yet?

You bet.

It’s exciting and scary at the same time. Sabi nga nila, paano mo malalaman kung hindi mo susubukan? Eh paano mo naman susubukan kung wala namang darating? Paano namang may darating kung wala naman talagang nakalaan? Kung may nakalaan man, Lord, itago Niyo na lang. Baka sa huli, hindi rin ako masuklian sa ibibigay kong buo.

I always say to myself how lucky those people are who already found the missing piece of their life. Wish I can say the same thing to my own self but I don’t think it’s ever going to happen. Yup, almost giving up. *laughs*

Who the hell cares.

Naranasan ko naman pero hindi ang masuklian. I wonder how does it feel like. You see, I’m like a child who hasn’t ever been to any amusement park nor a caged bird who has not flown in the sky ever since it was born.

Pero okay lang. Bawi na lang sa ibang bagay.

Pardon for my thoughts.

πŸ˜„

Jx